That moment that you realize that everything isn't about you, never has been, and never should have been. It took me a long time to realize that my life was not my own, my decisions, my wife, my son Elijah... Nothing was mine, the money in my bank account, to the house we rent in Fruitland... Nothing belonged to me truly, because in reality it belongs to God... All of It!
This was humbling to realize, because it means letting go, letting God take control of everything in yours and my humble little short lives. Along with this humbling feeling I also had the revelation that I don't even deserve to be loved by Christ! I listened as someone (whom I can't remember) said, "willing to believe in the forgiveness of Christ is easier than being willing to forgive ourselves." And how true that statement is, for in the title alone of this little blog, it declares that while I know that Jesus Christ has forgiven me of all the sins in my life, the ones i've already committed and the one's i've yet to commit. in my heart I still don't get it... "How could Christ so easily forgive, what I can not?"
If your reading this and you have asked the same question, then you know that you aren't alone. for even Pastor's struggle with this situation. I know in my heart that I have been forgiven, but there are things in my life, situations and choices that i've made that I can't allow God to forgive me for. And that's the key isn't it? I can't allow God to forgive, and how ridiculous i sound to myself right now writing this down, I can't allow God, who forgives all and every sin, no matter what it is.. to forgive me. Yet I am forgiven? Seems like an odd psychotic interchange in my head...
The reality is that You and I have been forgiven! We must be able to acknowledge the forgiveness that exists for all who claim Christ as their Lord and Savior. No we don't deserve mercy yet even though this is true, Christ still willingly gave his life for all of those who claim him.
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him." John 3: 16 - 17
Verse 17 is the one that sticks out in my mind when I struggle with the above problem, i'm not perfect and neither are you, yet because of John 3:16 - 17 and continuing show that Jesus while knowing that we don't deserve mercy, still willingly gave of himself that you and I might not be sentenced to death as we so rightly deserve, but Jesus as propitiation (meaning one who steps in and takes your punishment), stood in our place, taking our punishment for our sins, our transgressions, our faults! So we don't deserve Mercy, yet mercy is what we have found in Christ, not judgement or condemnation, mercy.
My hope for those reading this article, is that you realize that because you have been given mercy and grace, that others are deserving of the same grace and mercy. We have a reason for living, a reason for existing and it is firmly rooted in Jesus Christ. God bless and remember to remain fixated upon Christ!