Monday, April 25, 2016

I'm broken

I'm Broken

And that's okay

We live in a day where the rhetoric is, "Everyone is the best 'them' they can be" meaning that we are told that we should be okay with our self image, that whether we are fat, skinny, tall or short, that we all have value, and I agree with this, but not as the world does. You see the world would have us believe that "Everyone is Amazing" because Humanism suggests "You make yourself amazing" that it's your personal effort that makes you valuable, that relativistic thought makes us all okay, because we are all individuals, so value is placed based simply on the fact that you are you... 

But the sad reality is that if it's up to me to place value in myself or others, then Nihilism that Frederich Nietzsche taught is actually practical, and hence forth this life is simply void of any meaning and here is why... People fail, those who consider valuable to your self-image will ultimately fail you, they will betray your trust and hurt, your feelings, your self-image, your value, we usually understand all of that. However we don't usually bring this one up; We will fail ourselves... Our self-image and our value we feels usually derives from others, but even when we recognize that others may fail, our self-value or worth is a slippery slope when it isn't grounded to something. People try and find value in all sorts of things; i.e. Money, Status, Relationships, Work, etc... but that value still fails... Even when these previous things remain true it can still leave a feeling of worthlessness, or loneliness... because I believe these things try to fix a broken part of you, it's a specialized part, it's not interchangeable with other models or years, Sure you might be able to squeeze it in there, and it may work for a moment, but ultimately it too, will fail, leaving you feeling empty, and missing something. 

So I propose that we change how we look at out self image, while the world says that we are just fine the way we are. I propose that we are not okay. The danger in the sense of being okay with who you are, is that without the the maker who made you and I, our personalities, or quirks and awkwardness, we will continue to lie to ourselves believing that we are somehow the utopian ideology of mankind. That we are not in need of being fixed, because we are a byproduct of humanistic chance. But when we are honest with ourselves we recognize this, "We are totally and utterly bankrupt without God in our lives" Now the non-believer will again argue that this isn't true, but honestly if you ask them, there is always something missing in their lives, they wont admit it... but it's there, possibly long forgotten, like that little trinket in that box in the back of the attic or garage. When you find it you embrace it for a time, reconsider it's value, but ultimately you placed it back in the box, glad you found it but only for the sentiment of it all. We as believers understand the moral absolute bankruptcy without Christ in our lives. 

I myself understand that my identity without Christ led me down some dark paths, full of sin, and relationships that led to an abandoned feeling. It was in those moments all those years ago that I learned this important truth, "I am utterly broken as an individual, unable to attain true peace and happiness through futile methods of relationships, money sensuality, and status." It left me broken, empty inside, although I had been a believer for years I had morally bankrupted myself to a point of despair, to suicidal thoughts, to lonely corners of dark rooms... to drinking... It was in this moment that I realized this, "It's okay that I'm broken" not because I or anyone else should be completely satisfied in their broken state, however because I recognized how truly broken I was and am, I realized that Christ could mend me together... The words of the Apostle Paul give us light into this; "For godly grief (sorrow in the NIV) produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death." 2nd Corinthians 7:10 

So glad i'm broken

You see, my sorrow or grief was that which leads me to understand that I am and will always be in need of a savior who can fix me, like a glass that has fallen to the floor and shattered, no matter the number or how fine the pieces of my heart are, it is and will always be God, Jesus Christ who can and will knit them or glue them back together. You see the danger in worldly thinking or sorrow/grief is this; You can live your entire life believing that your okay, that although your heart is broken because of the failed relationships, the failed bank accounts, the foreclosures, the failures in status... you can have a million broken glasses in a box in the back of the attic or garage, hiding... eating away at your mind, destroying future relationships and opportunities. until you realize that Christ is your identity and fulfillment, you will continue to live an empty life... Additionally as Paul states, "worldly grief produces death." these failures I mention, will sometimes like in the example of my life, can lead to ultimately dark places like suicidal thoughts... But I don't believe that this was Paul intention...

Than what is worse than physical death

Simply, Eternal Death... complete and total separation from a loving and Holy God... To live that life apart from him is to spend eternity separated from God's presence... That is something I don't wish upon anyone, not my friends and family, or my enemies or complete strangers... Hence why I am so burdened to share this with you all today... Because although I admit to being completely and totally broken, bankrupt, weak... My God! he scooped me up, all the broken little pieces, and he took the painstaking time to piece me my fragile heart back together, it is in Christ that my identity rests. I tried being identified by the things of this world, but all the money, status, and all the other Stuff failed me... It is only in Christ that I have become satisfied with being a broken individual. 

So my hope for you who read this; "Fight the temptation to be defined as the world would define you, and find your rest and identity in Jesus Christ." Who loves you, just as you are, but too much to see you stay where you are. Who will and has mended the broken pieces of your hearts back together. and is awaiting you with open arms!

God Bless you all!

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